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I have two worst-case vacation scenarios in life: Disney World and cruise ships. I mention this because I’m on a break from school this week, and people seem disappointed that I haven’t exercised either of those options to relax. If I were taken hostage by a nefarious street gang, either of those scenarios could be used as a merciless means of torture. Let’s discuss my reasons for avoiding cruise ships. (I believe Disney World is self-explanatory.)
Cruise ships are basically floating hotels. Buildings aren’t supposed to float. And when you are on that floating hotel, you are trapped in the middle of the ocean with tourists and sharks.
Cruise ship staff will, in all likelihood, shape towels into animals and then leave them on your bed.
Think of the people you see at the grocery store. There’s a good chance that people just like that have slept in your cruise ship bed. I just threw up in my mouth.
Speaking of barf, I’ve heard they hose down the walls when someone comes down with a bad case of the double-headed dragon. Like, with a hose. Do you spray down the walls of your bedroom on a semi-regular basis? I didn’t think so.
Cruise ships are slow. Planes were invented because of this. People who like cruises probably haven’t heard of stuff like the interweb and Netflix, so they don’t know about planes either. Take a plane.
Buffets. Think of the people you see at the grocery store. There’s a good chance people just like that touched your food. I just threw up again.
Pre-assigned tables. Yup, you’ll eating your buffet-style meals with strangers. Tourist strangers. People just like the creeps you see at the grocery store. And that makes it extremely difficult to talk about those people over dinner.
When you are visiting ports, you will be encouraged to go on lame excursions. Guess who will be going with you? The people you had dinner with the previous evening.
The poop. Where does the poop go? I don’t even want to think about it.
The “entertainment”.
Persons overboard. (Happens all the time.)
Sinkings, break downs, groundings, disabling accidents, collisions and fires.
And finally, pirates. I am adorable, and as such, irresistible to pirates. It’s a curse.
If you have been on a cruise, or anywhere with little kids, you have been exposed to germs. You might need a salad to make you feel better. I’m sure you can make a salad, but if you’re weak from a recent vacation, you might enjoy some suggestions like: chop the lettuce into bite-sized pieces so you won’t get dressing and veggie bits all over your jowls. Or: pomegranate seeds are way chic right now. I tested a dressing for you – three times, actually, but then I got bored and abandoned it. So, I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not really giving you a recipe here. I’m on vacation and every part of my brain and body has shut down. However, this is my favourite way to cook chicken lately. I’m really into sweet smoked paprika right now. Chicken cooked this way tastes wicked awesome on top of a salad – especially if you throw some cucumber in there. Magic.
When I head back to school next week I’ll be in the final stretch. Then I spend five weeks working in a real, live bakery. Then? Graduation. And then? I’ve got some big plans.
Guess I’d better eat some salad…
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Cook Your Chicken This Way And Put It On Top Of A Salad – “recipe” generously provided by movita beaucoup – print and make
Yields 2 perfectly seasoned chicken breasts.
- 1 lb. boneless, skinless chicken breasts (about 2 pieces)
- 2 teaspoons olive oil
- 1 teaspoon sweet smoked paprika
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
Preheat a large non-stick skillet over medium heat.
In a small bowl, combine the olive oil, sweet smoked paprika, salt and pepper. Rub the mixture all over the chicken breasts.
Cook the chicken over medium heat, flipping at the midway point. Cooking time will depend on the thickness of your chicken – about 10 minutes per side. Internal temperature should reach 165°F (74°C), juices should run clear.
Let cool for five minutes before slicing and serving over salad.
Or, eat as is.